control
Those of us who came of age in the ’80s may remember a little ditty from Janet Jackson that went something like this:
Got my own mind
I wanna make my own decisions
When it has to do with my life, my life
I wanna be the one in control.
Even though the Potato was born almost 20 years after this pop tune was released (ugh, did I actually write that?), he seems to have adopted it as his theme song of late. Those of you who have endured enjoyed the presence of a two-year-old in your lives will no doubt know what I’m talking about.
Yes, we’ve reached that moment in toddler-dom where every interaction is an opportunity for conflict, if it doesn’t happen exactly the way he thinks it should. Just tonight, the Potato insisted on:
a) closing the door of his classroom when leaving daycare
b) climbing into his own car seat
c) pointing out several notable landmarks on the way home, and insisting I acknowledge them (”dirt, Mommy!” then thirty seconds later, “other dirt, Mommy”)
d) climbing out of his car seat
e) closing his car door
f) opening the door of the house (well, okay, he had to be carried in because he wouldn’t open the door in a timely fashion, and I was cold and wanted to go inside. Instant meltdown.)
g) taking off his own coat
h) turning off the tv show that his sister was watching (eliciting screams of outrage from the Bee)
i) eating dinner with his fingers, not a fork
j) crumpling up several napkins into balls of goo, rather than let someone else wipe his face and hands
k) turning on the light to his room
l) turning on the light to our room
m) putting toothpaste on his toothbrush
n) picking his bedtime stories
o) and last but not least “I like door open” (which he says urgently every night as we’re leaving the rooom)
The endless variations on “I do it” are getting kind of old, I have to say. I’ll be happier when a certain boy’s reach no longer exceeds his grasp 90% of the time.
chip said,
February 9, 2006 at 9:36 pm
This phrase hit close to home: where every interaction is an opportunity for conflict, because sometimes that is exactly what’s happening with my teenager… I think I’ve said before, teens and two year olds have lots in common…
Leggy said,
February 9, 2006 at 9:47 pm
LOL- my son used to say “my do it” and even at 5, he’s still got a whole lot of control issues- picking out his clothes, etc.
moonface said,
February 10, 2006 at 1:53 am
somedays i love the independence and the wanting to do everything on their own. but somedays, it’s just plain tiring!
kdubs said,
February 10, 2006 at 6:23 am
Oh I’m sorry. For a moment I thought you were spying on my house. LOL. The raising of the strong willed child… sigh… LOL…. see in my case I’m as stubborn or strong willed and I drove my parents insane. Yet, that same quality helped me overcome great tradedy and trial in my life. I’ve always been able to take care of myself and when the crap hit the fan, I was able to survive with my son.
So as I guess what my parents call sweet justice, me raising someone as stubborn as me, I just take comfort in knowing that he will be a fighter, survivor, his own person, and confident.
LOL… uh… and other days I just FLIP the *** OUT because he pushes every single button.
Good luck.
Kdubs
Suzanne said,
February 10, 2006 at 8:25 am
Oh, yes, it is so trying. Especially when the “I do it!” concerns something the child can’t actually do but refuses your help. I know it’s all normal behavior, but it drives me crazy.
Mere said,
February 10, 2006 at 11:52 am
Yes, but now you have a weapon. I used to say (oh wait, I still do) to Sydney, after waiting and waiting when I ask her to do something, “Okay, you do it or *I’ll* do it. That never fails to get her going. LOL!!
landismom said,
February 10, 2006 at 12:04 pm
Ah, Mere, sadly the Potato is wise to that scheme. He knows that he still gets to throw a tantrum at the end, if I do it.
I did resurrect a parenting strategy from the Bee’s two-year-old days this morning while I was getting him dressed, which was to present him with only two options of shirt, pants, etc. We still had to struggle a bit to get him to wear shoes, but it was less painful than usual.
Doppelganger said,
February 10, 2006 at 2:03 pm
Oh, man. Sam popped out of the WOMB with this philosophy, and he’s not even ten months old yet. He wouldn’t go in the stroller without screaming until he could sit upright, facing out and leaning forward. He wouldn’t try solids until we gave him his own spoon. He freaks out in the tub unless he gets his own washcloth. He’s already figured out how to put his arms in his jacket sleeves and how to help pull his own shirt over his head, thank god, so he doesn’t have QUITE as big a conniption when we try to get him dressed and undressed. But we still can’t put his shoes on unless we give him a shoe to hold. Which is all well and good until we need to put THAT shoe on.
As soon as he learns the phrase “Me do!” our ability to exert even a modicum of our will on him will be officially over.
On the plus side, independence is good, right? This means he won’t be living in our basement when he’s forty?
Jessica said,
February 11, 2006 at 5:52 pm
Oh I remember that. In fact, there’s still a bit of it going on in our house although at 8 and 5, they’re reach doesn’t exceed their grasp as much as it did at 2. But they’re still slow as molasses at pretty much everything (especially when we’re running late, which is always) and that drives.me.batty.
And, truth be told, sometimes it’s hard for me to relinquish the “power of the parent” and let them make their own choices and do things their own way. And wear the clothes they want to wear even if nothing matches (as if I’m such a fashion maven).
ITS said,
February 11, 2006 at 6:23 pm
Potato sounds like a riot. He’s going to be one tough guy.
Don’t ever discourage him from wanting to be independent. (Well, unless you are freezing on the porch.)
cheers,
Comfort Addict said,
February 11, 2006 at 11:46 pm
I’m afraid that I have no advice, just good wishes that this time will pass with your sanity intact.
Tired Tunia said,
February 23, 2006 at 9:32 pm
Excuse me, did you kidnap my son? Oh wait, it sounds like yours has a bigger vocabulary. My 2 and 3 month or something or other son is driving me nuts. God forbid you close the car door for him, touch his boots, shake the parmesan cheese onto his spaghetti, turn the pages, or just about ANYTHING for him. Today’s newest independent streak was putting on his own coat. He sees his sister doing the “flip” with hers, and he decided he was gonna too. He finally did it too, the little bugger. It’s all fun and games unless you actually have to be somewhere on time, like, oh, WORK!
Ms Siyphus said,
February 26, 2006 at 11:07 am
Zen Baby has just begun to embrace her toddlerhood as well. In fact, I’m thinking of renaming her Tantrum Toddler.
Bumblebee Sweet Potato » siblings, meet rivalry said,
February 26, 2006 at 9:33 pm
[...] We’ve been having a lot of these situations lately, and it’s almost ridiculous, the kinds of things that they have conflict over. The Potato in particular is starting to have some very definite ideas of how things should work–who should go down the stairs first to have breakfast in the morning, who should turn on the bathroom light. Part of this is related to his control issues that I blogged about a few weeks ago. Part of it is that his sister spends a lot of time telling him what to do, and he’s just trying to get some of his own back. [...]