So, hello blog. It’s been awhile, I know.
I’ve mentioned that some unbloggable stuff has been going on, and frankly, that stuff has been so overwhelming in my life that I haven’t been able to concentrate on any other kind of mom-blogging. But it’s out in the world now, and therefore bloggable again.
Landisdad and I, after 17 years together and 12 years married, have decided to separate. We both grew up in households where our parents stayed together longer than they should’ve, and we are trying very hard (and I think succeeding, at least so far) to have an amicable separation. At the end of the day, our decision to separate has more to do that we have just grown apart over the years–it’s not like there was one fatal incident that caused us to make this move.
As regular readers know, I have a demanding job with a frequent travel schedule, and landisdad has been the primary caregiver for our children for the past several years. One of the most wrenching parts of this decision, for me, has been the realization that I will be the person to move out, while landisdad stays in the house, with the kids.
It makes me feel like a failure as a woman, to be honest.
I don’t believe that we’re making the wrong decision. I think it’s right for the kids to stay in their home, surrounded by their friends, to keep attending the same schools. It’s not impossible to imagine that I might keep them with me, but it would require all of us moving a significant distance away, and them being totally uprooted to a new place. While I know that is a thing kids can get over, just like they can get over their parents being separated, I also know that I want this to be as easy for them as possible (not that it can be really easy).
So I will move, and we will try to maintain some normalcy for them.
As we’ve been going through this process, I looked around the web and didn’t find a ton of blogs by moms who don’t live with their kids*. I thought about not blogging about it at all–but in the end, I decided that blogging has always helped me work through difficult things about parenting in my own head, and it was important for my sanity to be able to continue. I also think it’s potentially helpful for other women in a similar situation–blogging has also been about community, for me, and a place to find a community of people who are like-minded and/or in similar circumstances, but maybe not geographically close.
The focus of this blog will shift, obviously. It’s going to be more about the experience of a non-custodial parent (that’s not even the right way to describe it–we will share custody, but I will have them with me for less time–secondary custody? naming suggestions welcome) than about a mom who lives day-to-day with her kids.
*and if you know of any, please send them my way!!