as long as she gets to wear the veil, it’ll be alright

At dinner tonight, the Bee asked me, "when two men get married, why do they say, 'you can kiss the bride'?"

It led us into a discussion of gay marriage, and I always like to have those kinds of values discussions with her. The best thing about it was that she started talking about the two kids that she knows from school with gay parents, and how crazy she thought it was that their parents couldn't get legally married. It made me think of a post of Trey's that I read earlier today, about his family's trip to the White House Easter Egg Roll. And it made me want to call up the parents of those kids, and thank them for being out at the school because I know that my daughter will not be homophobic, in part because she's had these two boys as friends, has seen their fathers and mothers as parents just like any other parents.


April 18, 2006. growing up.


  1. Sandra replied:

    My son is 10 and his favorite singer is Elton John (don’t ask me why, I just find that funny). Anyway, when EJ got married and it was covered in the media, my kids were so matter-of-fact about it, not suprised, not amazed.

    It reminded me of the time when we were on a flight and the captain made an announcement. I said to me daughter, “Hey, did you notice? The captain is a woman!” And my daughter looked at me strangely and said, “So?” Sometimes it doesn’t feel like anything is changing, but then I notice my kids are taking for granted some of the same things that make me raise my eyebrows.

  2. Ms Sisyphus replied:

    Diva Girl goes to school with two boys whose moms *are* married (I really love being Canadian).She views it as completely normal and right–“People should marry who they love” Her big concern druing our election and immediately after was that this right be protected for all of our society. The first thing she asked me the morning after the election was, “Will they still be allowed to be married?” I was so proud of her.

    It’s stories like these that give me hope for our future. I truly believe that it’s our children who are going to finally take the stigma out of being gay and bring true equality to society.

  3. chichimama replied:

    I am always amazed at what C takes for granted. He automatically assumes that all doctors are women, because even during his emergency room trips, the doctors were women and we go to an all female practice. His god parents are gay, and getting married this spring, and he thinks it is perfectly normal. Which it should be but we all know that in our childhood’s it was not really, and even now it still makes some (like my in-laws) raise eyebrows.

    The one step back is that he thinks all mommies stay home. Although he doesn’t view the stay at home dad as an oddity as there are so many here. He just thinks those kids have no mommies….

  4. Jay replied:

    It’s so great that these things are part of their lives from the very beginning. It means that things ARE changing.

  5. christie replied:


  6. Jessica replied:

    Yes…jeez, this is SO important.

    I can completely understand your gratitude for the Bee being more open due to being exposed to diverse family situations but I have to say, the real credit lies with you, LM. She won’t be homophobic because her mama raised her better than that!

  7. Suzanne replied:

    Yeah, what Jessica said. I’ve not explicitly explained my sister and her partner’s relationship to my kids (I think they’re still too young to understand), but I have told them quite matter of factly that their cousins have two mommies. I’m hoping that emphasizing the normalcy of their relationship will go a long way toward counteracting the negative messages about homosexuality that my kids will probably be receiving from the “outside world” as they grow older.

  8. Anjali replied:

    It’s nice to know that kids do actually understand and learn the values us parents try so hard to teach them! And that tolerance and acceptance are something even very young children can process.

  9. Jim replied:

    Lilly’s best friend has two moms and after being friends with her for almost three years, she STILL has not asked about the situation – which tellls me, she sees nothing “odd” about that.

    Mark my words – this summer you’ll hear more spewing about “values” (THEIR values, not ours) because the GOP has nothing else to run on. They’ve lost the electorate on national security, the war, the economy, the environment, Katrina, gas prices, Medicare, health care… oh, so many issues. On top of that, half the dirtbags are either under indictment or awaiting sentencing.

    So they’ll drag the stinking corpse of values out and beat it for all it’s worth. Hopefully, the voters will be smart enough tonot allow that gollem to scare them again.

  10. Mere replied:

    Kudos to the Bee – and to you LM!

    Sydney is only 3, but the kids in her class know that she has two moms. And if one of them says “Sydney, your Mommy’s here” when *I* arrive, she’ll correct them “That’s my Momma, not my Mommy.” LOL! They don’t seem to be phased by it.

    PS I’ve been debating if I should post about the Easter Egg roll…

  11. Comfort Addict replied:

    Great kid, great Mom and Dad. We all win when understanding and empathy prevail.

  12. The Scarlett replied:

    I used to spend a lot of time on gay marriage message boards on AOL. It used to amaze me what people thought about gay marriage. Like, they used to say it would somehow make more kids gay (like all of the straight marriages could somehow make the gay people straight). And they used to say that it would somehow devalue marriage (as if we straight people haven’t done a pretty good job of that without the help of gays).

    Yay to Bee for her sense of injustice. She is a righeous girl.

  13. Kimmers replied:

    One reason I am proud to live in Massachusetts. It is legal. It is normal. When two people– of any race, religion, or gender — can find happiness and love, nothing should keep them asunder.

  14. Bridgermama replied:

    So much hope for the future! I just hope I am around to see the day when we reach ultimate acceptance!

  15. Library Lady replied:

    My older daughter used the expression “that’s so gay!” and I flew at her. She picked it up at school courtesy of some of the wonderful children of those wonderful parents who PROFESS to be liberal but that the Man and I think are closet Republicans!

    The good thing was that it started a discussion, and we talked about what being gay meant. We talked about how things are not always accepted. Her dance teacher (who is like her godmother) is white and married to a black man. I said “do you realize that Mr Anthony and Ms Lynne couldn’t have been married in Virginia years ago?”

    (And for that matter, her own Asian/Jewish parents could never have been married and accepted as such in the past.)

    It’s a start. I hope it made her think. We have a lot of gay/lesbian families in our area. One day a kid with 2 daddies or 2 mommies will show up in her classes, and I want her to accept their family as matter of factly as I hope they will accept ours…….

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Trackback URI

%d bloggers like this: