So one of the things in life that’s been consuming my attention lately is that we decided to have the Bee speak to the school’s counselor about her continued self-torment when she makes a mistake. I personally didn’t come to this decision easily–it was hard to admit that my baby needed help–but harder to admit that she wasn’t getting it from us.

She was initially quite resistant to the idea, but after suffering through two very trying temper tantrums (when she forgot to bring home various elements of her homework), I talked to the principal and we got it underway.

She had her first counseling session this week, on Wednesday, which was the day I finally came home. I asked her about it that night, and it seems to have gone fairly well–the counselor had her draw a picture, and then talk about what was going on with the girl in the picture. They’ll work together for a month, and then we’ll get to have an evaluatory meeting.

I’m hopeful that the counselor will be able to help reinforce some of the things that landisdad and I have been trying to do at home to keep the Bee from obsessing over her mistakes. It’s hard to get out of the habits that we’ve formed over time, though. I realized the other night that one of the things that I do when talking about schoolwork is focus on how to help the Bee solve her problems, instead of minimizing the problems and praising her for the many things she does well. I’m trying to be more conscious of that–because while I want the Bee to know that I’m here for her if she needs help with a problem, I don’t want her to think that the only thing I’m interested in talking about is what she’s doing wrong.

This parenting thing is tough.


September 21, 2007. growing up, thoughtful parenting.


  1. CamiKaos replied:

    good luck, that sounds like a tough decision, but it sounds like the right one.

  2. chichimama replied:

    Good luck. I think you made the right decision too. As hard as it might be…

  3. Susan replied:

    Sounds liks you’ve made the right decision–and you’ll be helping her, and helping yourself. Good for all of you.

  4. Jody replied:

    Wilder worked with the school counselor for about a month last year on friendship issues (i.e., he didn’t know how to make or keep them) and now Gemma is getting some help with her very great anxiety about making mistakes. She holds it together at school, focusing all the time on never making the slightest small mistake, and then explodes — just EXPLODES — at home.

    It’s really hard for me to admit that we can’t fix these issues ourselves, or provide the resources our kids need, but then again, our particular children seem more ready to listen to other grown-ups than to our parents. They seem to think we love them so much, we’d say anything.

    Good luck. I hope it helps.

  5. crabbykate replied:

    Alice has similar issues – mainly with perfectionism and feeling a deep sense of failure over the smallest things if they don’t work out as she would have liked. It kills me, and cuts so close. We’ve discussed it with her kindergarten teacher and are now also trying to work with her at home about it.

    All this to say – I know. And it sucks. Hard.

  6. elise replied:

    So hard…I find it hard to not focus too much on their mistakes myself. For example, Erin told me this morning that she forgot to hand in an assignment that is worth one quiz grade. The teacher has said that she will not take late work so Erin will have a zero on that quiz. I was pretty successful at NOT reacting with “OMG, WHAT THE HECK DID YOU DO THAT FOR”. Erin is very concientious and really just forgot. She said she is going to try to hand it anyway with an explanation. I said that was a good idea and tried to make a guesstimation of how much it will affect her grade and also pointed out that maybe like many teachers she will drop the lowest grade. BUT inside I was probably more concerned than I let on….Maybe I need to see the counselor!! HA HA!

  7. elise replied:

    PS Erin is in 8th grade and the teachers are less forgiving about honest mistakes.

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