he hate me

The Potato, of late, has taken to telling me how much he hates me. I know it’s a part of growing up, although not as cute a part as some other things. It’s getting a little old, I’ve got to say.

This morning, he told me he hated me about 16 times, starting with right after he climbed into my bed and asked me what kind of snack I had produced for him that day. (I started bringing up a small snack for him to start the day with, right around the time he decided to start waking up at 5:15 a.m. and demanding breakfast.)

I, sadly, had forgotten to bring a snack upstairs the night before. Sentence was pronounced.

Later, he told me again, when I asked him to go upstairs and get dressed for school.

I’m trying to hear it as, “in twenty years, I’ll love you, Mom.”

But it’s hard to hear through the hatin’


January 15, 2008. growing up.


  1. alala replied:

    Oh yeah. Definitely not my favorite phase. I know it seems endless when you’re in it, but it does pass pretty quickly, really. Definitely less than 20 years. Hang in there.

  2. Andy replied:

    Oh how I dread this phase. I still feel guilty for the things I said and did to my parents during those oh so fragile years. I’ve been known to apologize now and again, even 20+ years later.

  3. Carrie replied:

    I know it is perfectly normal, but how heart breaking to have to hear it. I am not looking forward to that part of parenting.

  4. Susan replied:

    ANd it’s probably not much comfort to think “gosh, I’m really helping him talk about and name his feelings.” May he be on to the next annoying habit soon! This one is hard to handle.

  5. MetroDad replied:

    We’ve just started hearing that phrase around the house lately. I know it’s part of growing up and I know I said it to my parents a thousand times but it kills me hearing it from my own daughter.

  6. Library Lady replied:

    Oh, do the boys do that too? I thought it was just a girl thing 🙂

    My standard reply is “that’s okay, I don’t like you much either right now”
    And I always think of the book “Rotten Ralph”, where Sarah tells her cat “Sometimes you are very hard to love, Ralph”. It’s SO true……….

    Cheer up–at least he won’t go through the girl hormone bursting into tears syndrome.
    I think you mentioned the Bee doing that and my own 8 year old is going through a real doozy of it right now.

  7. Mere replied:

    Aw, bless your heart! I can’t see my 5-year old saying it, but the 14-month old will be saying it as soon as she can put sentences together. Sigh

  8. Tammy replied:

    Oh, man. I was totally counting on the fact that boys don’t do that… at least not until they’re teenagers, at which age you’re free to tell them you’re not so fond of them at the moment, either.

    That sucks. And hearing it when you’ve gotten up with him at 5:15 am? That’s adding insult to injury. I hope this “learning to understand and articulate his feelings” phase ends soon.

    Aside to Library Lady: I love that “Sometimes you are very hard to love” line from poor, long-suffering Sarah. Heh. The Rotten Ralph books rock.

  9. Christie replied:

    man, that’s *gotta* suck.
    I’m sorry.
    I hope it doesn’t last. And I don’t think he *means* it…. he’s still new to the world and trying out different emotions (of not only himself but those around him)

  10. Clover replied:

    Yuck- my son never did that, but now he’s all into this teenager attitude business (he’s six!) and it drives me up a wall. I love my son to pieces, but there are times when I don’t like him very much.

  11. chichimama replied:

    Hand in there. I’ve always viewed it as validation that I was doing my job right…

  12. guerson replied:

    well, at least it means you have a relationship with your kids that make them comfortable enough to say that. I know it’s no comfort but I wouldn’t have dreamt of saying that to my mother when I was growing up… mostly because we were not even allowed to answer back when she disciplined us… let alone say things like “I hate you”… coming to think of it, I don’t think we ever said “I love you” either… But I do remember thinking she didn’t like me when I was about 7-8 years old…

  13. Library Lady replied:

    Now that Guerson mentions it, I remember reading that only a child secure in her (his!) parent’s love will say “I hate you!” It was a great comfort when SC was going through that stage…

  14. elise replied:

    I guess I’m the real oddball here because when my first born got old enough to say “I hate you”, I let him say it a couple of times and then I decided that I would tell him he couldn’t say that to me anymore. My reasoning was, that its mean for a person to say “I hate you” to someone and I wouldn’t let him be mean like that to other people so why should I let him be mean to me? In relationships, when someone says “I hate you”, its hard to get past and impossible to take back. I told him that it was fine for him to have those feelings and to tell me he’s angry. I also tried to explain the difference between hating someone and being really mad at something that they did. I guess eventually he would have figured out that its not a good idea to scream “I hate you” at some one you love so much but I really did see it as bad behavior that I should teach him not to do. All three of my kids are past that stage right now but I did the same thing with all of them. I can remember now that my way was not really the popular road to travel but it seems to have worked for us. They still get mad at me sometimes but they seem to realize its just anger that will pass. I still get mad at them but it always eventually ends with a hug.

  15. Comfort Addict replied:

    I can’t imagine how hard it is to keep telling yourself over and over that it’s just a phase. I hope that it passes quickly.

  16. MommyWithAttitude replied:

    Well, I’m glad I’m not the only one. It doesn’t happen regularly here, but when it does — ouch! J told me one day that I should just go live somewhere else.

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