We’re off to visit my mom tomorrow–I’m flying with the kids on Saturday–landisdad is joining us on Tuesday. I haven’t seen my mom in over a year, and I know that the kids are excited to see their grandmother, as well as their local cousins. I’m happy that they’ll get to spend time together, though I’m not looking forward to it personally.

I was at a benefit tonight talking to some people, and I made the obligatory grandmother joke–that it is just my job to deliver the kids to my mom, and let the spoiling begin. The truth of the matter is somewhat different. I wish it was more like that traditional grandmother relationship, but the reality is that my mom is not the kind of grandmother that approves of everything her grandchildren do. And while I know she misses them, and wants to spend time with them, I also know that she will have a certain standard of behavior that she is going to expect. And it’s a standard that isn’t going to deal very well with the Bee’s anger management issues, or with the fact that the kids are fighting way more than they are playing happily together, lately.

I was g-chatting with a blog-friend the other night, and we were talking about the fact that other people like our kids–that they behave well at school and (generally) in public–but at home the fighting is going to drive us mad. I’d like to think that my kids could be on good behavior for a week, but I really doubt that is possible.

Add to that the fact that we are going to be staying in a place with no TV and internet for a week, and I’ll consider myself lucky if we all come back alive!


November 22, 2008. family life.


  1. Jennifer (ponderosa) replied:

    Good luck!

    My grandmother was the kind of person who disapproved of her grandkids’ behavior, which made it nice that we only visited her once a year or less. I remember my mom being super stressed every time we went out there, and I remember my siblings and I being confused. We read a lot of books while visiting her.

  2. Jody replied:

    My mother would really, REALLY like to be the adoring grandmother, because she does adore her grandchildren, but she also finds children messy, loud, and irritating. It was a huge transition for her, and not at all an easy one for her, when she discovered that grandchildren could still push all those buttons for her. (It was also an interesting transition for me, re-evaluating my childhood in light of what I’ve learned about my mom in this process.) Mom sees the kids 3-4 times a year, always as part of a long-distance visit, and she often bemoans the loss of the two-hour visit after which everyone returns to their own space.

    Getting to the point where we could afford, not just a hotel but a suites hotel, was a major milestone for me. My stress level went way down.

    Good luck. I hope there are enough good moments to make it all worthwhile.

  3. Anjali replied:

    Happy Thanksgiving and best of luck.

  4. jackie replied:

    Best of luck to you, and all of us with the mighty fighting siblings. Sigh.

  5. Velma replied:

    Hope your visit is going well!

  6. Comfort Addict replied:

    Good luck, LM. I’m working my way back to the blogosphere (I hope).

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