despair

I’m starting to wonder if our family will ever be happy. Despite the fact that we made some progress with the Bee’s anger issues earlier in the year, there’s been major slippage backwards in the last few months. The real problem is that the Bee defaults to anger whenever she feels any negative emotion—embarrassment, shame, disappointment, depression, and of course actual anger—they all get manifested in rage. And lately, that rage has been directed at her brother, as well as at landisdad and me.

I’m nearly at the point of moving out of our house, and taking the Bee with me, for at least a year. I’m filled with despair about it, and I don’t think that word is strong enough to describe how landisdad feels. It’s gutting, to fight with your kid every single day.

I never thought I would be at this point in my life as a parent.

I told the Bee yesterday, during a marathon of crazy parenting, that we will have plenty of things to fight about in coming years—whether she gets to wear make-up to school, how late she will be able to stay out with her friends, when she can start dating—but I can’t fight with her every moment of every day about the way she treats other people.

I will never give up on that kid. I am committed to helping her to grow, to helping her learn how to manage her bad feelings, to help her express things by doing something other than lashing out at other people. But I can’t say I’m enjoying this part of being her mom, either.

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April 5, 2010. parenting ain't easy.

10 Comments

  1. jo(e) replied:

    Hugs. That sounds really, really difficult.

  2. Susan replied:

    (o)

    Wishing you strength and discernment, and wishing there were something more I could do, and wanting you to know that I’m here, reading and thinking of you.

  3. Becca replied:

    I am so sorry.

  4. Elizabeth replied:

    thinking of you.

  5. Library Lady replied:

    Happiness is a relative thing. I think we all want to be somewhere between the Cleavers and the Osbornes, if you know what I mean. Certainly that’s the case at Chez Moi!

    I know she’s been doing therapy, is that still ongoing? What does her therapist have to say about this? And what about her doctor–are preteen hormones contributing to her woes?

    Sending you all the vibes for parental strength and for retaining your sense of humor, which is sometimes all that can get us through hard times like this.

    We’re out here with you.

  6. She Started It replied:

    I’m so, so sorry. Hope things get a little better soon.

  7. chichimama replied:

    Oh, I am so sorry. Many, many hugs and I hope things turn around for you all soon.

  8. Jody replied:

    I’m so sorry. This really sucks.

    We have a child with rage issues. We thought we had a handle on it last year, but this year has been hard. We’re back in therapy. It’s just tough. I can go to some sad and scary places in my head.

    I hope things get better for you guys really soon.

  9. Jessica replied:

    So sorry! I can only imagine what a struggle this is. It’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel during these times but it’s there. Your love for your daughter and your family will get you through. I’m sending you love and strength. {{Hugs}}

  10. Jackie replied:

    We have a dear friend who is dealing with similar issues with one of her children, and it’s so tough. Hope you see some progress soon- keep on keeping on.

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