rock of the day
The kids and I are on the first vacation of our new family formation. It’s unutterably strange, to be on vacation without landisdad. The last time we came to this spot on Cape Cod, we were all together, of course. He and I slept together in the bed that I now inhabit alone—though the Bee has climbed in with me, once or twice, for early-morning cuddles. He cooked the meals we ate that weren’t in a restaurant. His mom came to stay with a nearby friend, and babysat for us so we could go out to dinner alone. He even made the coffee in the French press every day—I had forgotten how, to my chagrin, and was forced to resort to teh google the first morning we were here.
I have a little ceramic dish on my desk at the office, of stones & shells like these from the Cape. I like to play with them while I’m on one after another interminable conference call during my work day. I have certain favorite rocks for certain kinds of calls—the flat ones for when I’m talking to just one person, and need to concentrate—the more triangulated rectangle with a stripe for when I’m on a national call & just listening (and maybe daydreaming a little).
I love the rocks of the Cape.
I left a similar dish behind in the bathroom that we refinished, the same year that we last came to the Cape—the bathroom that was inspired by our Cape vacation, with its sky-blue walls, and pictures of that year’s Cape rocks. For those of you who are my Facebook friends*, you may remember that for years my profile photo was a picture of a rock—a picture that still hangs on the wall, in the house I left behind.
Last time, I had to make a rule that the kids couldn’t bring home more than one rock for each day of our vacation, or they would’ve emptied the beach. Everyone is able to pick more than one Rock of the Day, of course—but at the end of the trip, some of them are staying behind. Today, the Potato convinced me to add one extra rock—the Random Rock.
I think we’re weaving a fine line between repeating some things that were familiar from the past, and making some new traditions. The rocks help. They are a constant, reminding us that while some things are changing, some other things will always be the same.
*and if you’re still reading this blog and we’re not FB friends? We should be! Unless you’re a Facebook resister, in which case, more power to you.
grateful
I’m delurking on my own blog, in honor of my birthday.
Things have been evening out, over time. During the summer, the kids have been spending half their time with me, and it’s making my apartment feel a lot more like home to them, I think. They have things they like to do in my neighborhood, restaurants that are becoming our regular haunts, they have books and movies here that aren’t at the old house, things they look forward to seeing when they stay with me.
Landisdad and I are nearing the end of the mediation process. It’s been challenging, at times, to deal with. A friend asked me the other day, “I thought mediation was supposed to be easier than a contested divorce,” and I said, “Easier is not the same as easy.” I haven’t gone through a contested divorce, and I can only speculate that ours IS easier, having watched several friends going through a hard, hard time. But it is not easy, by a long shot.
But today, is not for difficult.
Today, I am grateful for the love of my wonderful children. Today, I am grateful for the wickedly awesome friends I have, many of whom have sent me birthday wishes and greetings. Today, I am grateful for the new love in my life.
42 was a hard, hard year. I am grateful that I got through it, that I navigated that trip around the sun and survived. I’m grateful that I’ve made it to 43.
Bumblebee Sweet Potato 