Birthday Potato

I’m sorry this has been such a difficult year, Potato.

On the one hand, last year landisdad and I were fighting so much, we practically forgot your birthday. That didn’t happen this year.

This year, we planned your party in June. We had a cake ordered weeks before your party. We went out of our way to make it special, to make the new normal good.

It wasn’t perfect—nothing ever is—but you seemed happy with it.

When I woke up this morning, and we weren’t together, it was very, very hard. I texted your dad to give you a birthday hug & kiss from me, and I cried. He sent me a picture of you eating your breakfast, and I cried harder.

At the end of the day, I met you and dad and the Bee at the house, and we opened presents. You didn’t seem to mind getting extra Legos. 🙂

We went out to dinner, and the new normal seemed pretty much like the old normal. And now I’m home, crying again.

I wish that it didn’t have to be this way. I’m glad that you don’t seem to mind too much. I hope that your birthday will always be a day of happiness and celebration of you, that you will always be surrounded by people who think you’re special.

You are a wonderful boy, and I am prouder every day to be your mom. I can’t wait till you come over tomorrow night, so we can build things together.

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August 11, 2011. family life, the new normal, thoughtful parenting.

4 Comments

  1. Becca replied:

    Sounds ghastly. I am so sorry. (Not on Twitter so much these days, but happened to happen immediately on this one…I hope that overall things are getting…I want to say easier, but I think all I can muster, realistically, is less painful.)

  2. thordora replied:

    It’s the hardest part, the splitting of those days, of one parent not being there…we try our hardest since their father is literally 2 blocks away, but it still just doesn’t always work…and so the other night, was treated to a sobbing mess of ‘I miss Daddy! Why can’t he live with us!” and for once, I didn’t lose it because I knew, and she knew that it IS better.

    Which doesn’t mean I didn’t cry like a freaking baby later for what we seem to have done to her.

    It does get easier. But never easy. (and mine don’t mind the extra toys either. They glommed on to THAT fact right quick :p)

  3. Jessica replied:

    I’m so sorry. I really have missed a lot during my hibernation . . . I know this feeling all too well. It’s heart-wrenching in so many ways. I can tell you that it does get easier. It’ll still tear at your heart, missing anything in their lives (whether it’s because of the divorce or because they’ll grow up and move away) but it will get easier.

  4. Jody replied:

    Gah. I’m so sorry. I hope it got better FAST.

    And happy belated birthday to Potato and his mom.

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