update on the Bee

We did talk last night, but there wasn’t anything earth-shattering.  I picked her up from field hockey practice, and she was bubbly and bright, and basically normal–complaining about another girl on the team for not trying very hard, telling me about her day, talking about their games this week. I asked her if she wanted to talk and she said yes, but that she wasn’t even sure what to talk about.

I think she’s just sad about the change to everything.

I can’t blame her, I’m sad too.

I was sitting at my computer in the dining room after dinner, and she came in and sat on my lap. She’s practically the same size as me now, so that was no easy feat. I think in some ways, we all want to go back to an easier time, and for her, it’s the time when she was a little kid.

We were looking at stuff on Facebook, and she was sort of teasing me about the lameness of my Facebook friends. She told me that I can’t friend her, when she gets a Facebook account of her own, and I said, “oh, don’t worry–I’ll just friend all your friends!” She giggled and said, “mommmm, you can’t do that!!!”

I know that for me, I do have this feeling of “when will this be over”—which mostly right now is manifesting itself in hoping that our mediator will finally send us the written mediation docs. At least the process of mediation itself would end, then.

I don’t think, though, that the feeling of wanting it to be over will end—for her or me.

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October 4, 2011. the new normal.

2 Comments

  1. thordora replied:

    I think one of the things that REALLY bothers me about my divorce is the knowledge that I have done something that will irrevocably change my children. Maybe it won’t be for the worse, but it has changed them.

    I hate it. Because while I’ve had my pain in my life, it’s not the same pain and I don’t always understand it. And that obscure ache in their eyes….it’s murderous.

  2. Jody replied:

    I think it takes a long time to get to the new normal, where you’re not waiting for it to be over, but I do think you get there. I absolutely believe that.

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