I’m getting more used to

the practice of making major life decisions alone.

It was weird when I had to find an apartment, buy a bed, figure out the kitchen.

It was weird when I went on vacation alone. When I bought myself a car.

But the experience of shopping for a house alone is the weirdest yet.

Don’t get me wrong—I have friends & family to talk about it with. I have people I can bounce ideas off, can talk things through with.

It’s not the same as having a partner, though. It’s not like having someone else with skin in the game.

All my life, I’ve considered myself to be pretty independent. But the stakes in this—especially given the crash our housing markets have suffered—feel really, really high. There’s a part of me that wishes I had someone else to decide with.

How much can I afford to borrow? How much of my savings should I sink into a new place? What if I don’t keep my job—will I ever get another one that pays as well as this? How much of a fixer-upper am I willing to deal with? They all feel like unanswerable questions—or at least, questions with a narrow margin of error.

I’m getting more used to it, but it will always be strange, making all the decisions alone.


May 12, 2012. separation. 1 comment.