sorry…

that I fell off the face of the earth for a while there. I was traveling out of town, and staying in a hotel where the internet connection in the rooms was requiring that you sign in every five minutes. Not particularly conducive to blogging (or work, for that matter). For the last few days, I’ve been in a different place, with a more consistent internet connection, but now my bloglines is ridiculously jammed, and I’m a little scared of it.

This is the longest trip that I have done away from home since I became a parent. I left last Tuesday morning, and am not going home until Wednesday afternoon. Landisdad brought the kids to where I was at the end of last week, but I ended up having to work a  lot more than I thought I would, and we didn’t get to spend too much time together. We did get to have fun on Saturday afternoon/evening, and then I had to leave again early Sunday morning.

The Bee stood at the door of the hotel room on Sunday morning and tried to block me from leaving with her body, crying, “don’t leave.” My body and luggage left the room, but my heart was on the floor in pieces, sobbing with my daughter.

Don’t get me wrong–I like traveling for my job (although being gone for a week is a little long). I’m at a once-every-four-years conference, one that I missed last time because the Potato had just been born, and I was on maternity leave. It was important for me to come here, and I’m glad I did.

But that doesn’t make it easier to leave my kids, or to leave my husband to single parent the whole time.

Especially when I emerge from a hotel conference room where I’ve had no cell reception all afternoon, to find a message from my daughter’s after-school program saying that she’s covered with a mysterious rash, and that they know that I’m out of town, but that they haven’t been able to reach her dad. And the message is four hours old.

As it turned out, landisdad had been reached, and had picked the Bee up and made a doctor’s appointment by the time I got in touch with him. The Bee went to the doctor last night, and it was diagnosed as a possible allergy or virus–but nothing serious.

I know that it wouldn’t have turned out any differently if I had been home, and there was a while last night where I thought about leaving early to go be with them–if it had been something serious, I certainly would have done so. But for just a minute, I thought back to that sobbing girl I left behind on Sunday morning, and my heart was back there, on the floor in pieces again.

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September 18, 2007. work.

6 Comments

  1. Suzanne replied:

    A jammed Bloglines list is pretty daunting!

    I’m sorry you’re feeling so torn right now — what we need, I’ve decided is a cloning device for just such occasions. I’m glad the Bee’s rash was nothing serious.

  2. CamiKaos replied:

    sorry about the broken heart, but it makes you human.

    I’m glad the Bee will be okay.

  3. Jennifer replied:

    Kids, they break you over and over, don’t they? Here’s hoping that your reunion later this week is a good one, and you and the kids can get your fill of each other before you go back to work.

    My husband travels for a week every-other-month, and the re-entry into home life is never smooth. I hope it goes well for you!

  4. Andy replied:

    Being away for that long is so hard! I was gone for three days when our youngest was just 4 months old and it seemed like an eternity.

    And to have things happen that you have no control of doesn’t make it any easier. But I’m glad it turned out to be nothing serious.

    Hope you’re home soon.

  5. elise replied:

    I can imagine how rough that must have been. I definitely feel my kids emotions deeply. I’m so pathetic that I still even feel bad when my teenagers need to get shots….what a wimp I am! We can all tell ourselves that our kids will be fine but it just can’t seem to get rid of those gut wrenching emotions! We’ve all felt the same things, even those of us who stay home because even then the kids can never seem to get enough of us.

  6. thordora replied:

    I’m thankful that mine don’t get that bad with me, although when I go away, it’s usually only for 3 or 4 days thankfully.

    Mine find other ways to crush my heart. 😦

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